


The Fault in Our Caesar

by lily_winterwood



Category: Julius Caesar - Shakespeare, The Fault in Our Stars - John Green
Genre: Crack, F/M, In which Lily conveniently retells the play using the trailer for The Fault in Our Stars, M/M, Parody, because it came from the play, but hey we can has meta double reacharounds y/y?, probably should've used the title of the book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 20:56:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1756825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_winterwood/pseuds/lily_winterwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I fell in love with Caius Cassius the way I killed Caesar. Hesitantly, and then all at once."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fault in Our Caesar

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Fault in Our Revolutions: A Trailer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1755451) by [godbewithyouihavedone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/godbewithyouihavedone/pseuds/godbewithyouihavedone), [mymotheristherepublic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymotheristherepublic/pseuds/mymotheristherepublic). 



> Based on the [extended trailer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuVjGbncgQE&feature=kp) for _the Fault in Our Stars_. I would also apologise to William Shakespeare and John Green, but one of them is dead and the other one does Shakespeare summaries occasionally, so he might appreciate it if he finds it. 
> 
> Well, maybe not all the Brutus/Cassius, but hey.
> 
> I also heap additional blame on godbewithyouihavedone and mymotheristherepublic for writing the [Les Mis version](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1755451) that inspired this.

EXT. BRUTUS’S COURTYARD - NIGHT

_Piano music plays as MARCUS BRUTUS leans against the railing of his balcony, looking up at the stars._

BRUTUS (V.O.): I believe we have a choice in this world, to decide who will lead us and our Republic.

_Insert shot: The empty interior of the Curia Pompeia where the Senate meets, with one consul chair lit by a skylight._

BRUTUS (V.O.): On the one hand, you can choose a tyrant disguised as a benefactor, allowing them to lull you into a false sense of security. You can sleep while you wake and blind yourself to the reality.

_Insert shot: JULIUS CAESAR standing on the steps outside the Curia Pompeia in broad daylight, waving to the masses._

BRUTUS (V.O.): I had rather be a villager than a son of Rome under such circumstances.

_BRUTUS’s eyes, back in the courtyard, closes, and we —_

Cut to

EXT. ROMAN FORUM - MIDDAY

_A more upbeat tune plays as BRUTUS walks through the Forum, past speakers and crowds and merchants peddling their wares._

BRUTUS (V.O.): These are our circumstances. There is a tyrant in Rome.

Cut to

 

INT. CURIA POMPEIA - CONTINUOUS

_CAESAR watches BRUTUS take a seat with the Senate in the Curia, his affable smile not reaching his eyes._

BRUTUS (V.O.): He wants to be king and completely destroy the Republic.

Cut to

 

EXT. ROMAN FORUM - SAME TIME, DIFFERENT DAY (FEAST OF LUPERCAL)

_CAESAR is thrice offered a kingly crown — or rather, a coronet — by MARK ANTONY, amidst crowds of screaming people. The camera pans up to see BRUTUS observing at a distance from the revels._

BRUTUS (V.O.): But the worst part is…

Cut to

INT. CAESAR’S VILLA - AFTERNOON (PRESUMABLY AFTER THE PUBLIC REVELRIES)

_BRUTUS clasps CAESAR’s forearm in greeting. BRUTUS smiles; CAESAR laughs. They embrace._

BRUTUS (V.O.): He is my friend.

Cut to

INT. BRUTUS’S VILLA - NIGHT

_All the conspirators are gathered, drinking wine. CASCA is strumming a cithara horribly. To add insult to injury, he is also singing too cheerily for the other conspirators’ liking; the majority of his audience is cringing or sitting in stony silence._

CASCA: The stars care not; we do this work alone. From Caesar’s chains must we deliver Rome —

_CAIUS CASSIUS, who is sitting across the group from BRUTUS, sets down the cup of wine he has been holding._

CASSIUS: You are dull, Casca, and your voice is grating.

_CASCA sets down the cithara._

CASCA: I’d like to see you do better. Brutus, how are you doing?

_BRUTUS shrugs._

BRUTUS: Well, besides the fact that I’m going to be killing a good friend in a couple of days… alright, I guess.

CASCA: Why don’t I play another song?

CASSIUS: No, I think that’s quite enough. You can inflict some more on me tomorrow night at dinner.

CASCA: You still haven’t promised me if your dinner is worth eating.

CASSIUS: I assure you, it is.

 

TITLE CARD: BASED ON THE PLAY BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

 

INT. BRUTUS’S VILLA - DAY

_BRUTUS is reading a papyrus scroll, trying not to watch his sister JUNIA feed CASSIUS grapes across the room._

Cut to

EXT. BRUTUS’S VILLA - NIGHT

_BRUTUS is sitting on a bench in his courtyard. PORTIA, his wife, comes outside._

PORTIA: What are you doing outside this late at night?

BRUTUS: Nothing.

PORTIA: You seem to be doing a lot of that lately, and often in the company of cloaked and hooded people.

BRUTUS: It’s just some things that have to do with the Senate. Leadership concerns. If Caesar wasn’t being a tyrant, perhaps I could turn my concerns elsewhere, and we could spend some time in our villa in Crete —

PORTIA: We don’t have a villa in Crete.

BRUTUS: That is precisely the sort of thing I would know if Caesar wasn’t being a tyrant.

Cut to

INT. BRUTUS’S VILLA - MORNING

_PORTIA is adjusting BRUTUS’s Senatorial toga. Her hands linger over where he has hid his dagger._

PORTIA: Be safe. And above all else, don’t stab yourself.

_BRUTUS nods, taking a step back towards the door just as CASSIUS emerges from JUNIA’s room in his toga. The two collide._

BRUTUS: Sorry.

_CASSIUS smiles at him._

CASSIUS: Ready?

Cut to

INT. CURIA POMPEIA - MIDDAY

_The conspirators are all gathered around the body of CAESAR, washing their hands in his blood._

CASSIUS: I, Caius Cassius, do believe that we have redelivered to the people of Rome liberty, freedom, and enfranchisement.

CASCA: That’s all nice and good, Cassius, but are the plebs going to believe that?

CASSIUS: If nothing else, we’ve cut down the amount of time Caesar had to fear for his death.

Cut to

EXT. CURIA POMPEIA – CONTINUOUS

_CASSIUS and BRUTUS stand outside the Curia facing a crowd of confused and angry PLEBIANS._

CASSIUS: What are you going to do?

BRUTUS: Give a speech. ( _beat_ ) Why are you staring at me?

CASSIUS: Because you are noble.

_BRUTUS scoffs._

BRUTUS: You may have just ruined this whole thing

CASSIUS: Really?

BRUTUS: Yes, this whole thing. ( _chuckles sheepishly_ ) Now I don’t know what to say.

CASSIUS: That’s a shame. I mean, you could just tell them that Caesar was a giant who forced the rest of us mere mortals to live our lives in fear of being trampled beneath his huge feet.

BRUTUS: Why would I say that?

CASSIUS: It’s a metaphor. You tell the plebs the danger that Caesar posed to them, after you make sure Caesar doesn’t pose any danger to them anymore. The only good Caesar’s a dead Caesar, am I right?

BRUTUS: Well, he _is_ dead.

_CASSIUS smirks._

CASSIUS: A metaphor.

Cut to

_BRUTUS and CASSIUS are fleeing Rome and its angry mob of PLEBIANS._

CASSIUS (V.O.): So, what’re your plans?

Cut to

EXT. ATHENIAN VILLA - MIDDAY

_BRUTUS and CASSIUS are facing one another, dusty and exhausted from their travels. BRUTUS scuffs the ground with his sandal, looking somewhat uncertain._

BRUTUS: I was hoping to lie low here for a while and muster supporters —

CASSIUS: No, no, I didn’t mean your revolution plans; I meant your _real_ plans. Your dreams, your aspirations, your weird fetishes.

_Insert shots: BRUTUS studying philosophy, BRUTUS surrounded by young Athenian scholars, BRUTUS mustering troops._

BRUTUS: I find myself unextraordinary in that respect.

CASSIUS: If I were your mirror, I’d show you precisely how wrong you are.

Cut to

EXT. BRUTUS’S CAMP AT SARDIS - EARLY NIGHTFALL

_TITINIUS and PINDARUS are riding into BRUTUS’s camp. They briskly dismount. Camera pans to LUCILIUS taking BRUTUS aside._

BRUTUS: Is Cassius near?

LUCILIUS: Yes, and Pindarus came on ahead to send you his master’s greetings.

BRUTUS: Good. I had some things I needed to discuss with him. How did he receive you when I sent him word?

LUCILIUS: He wouldn’t shut up about you. Is there something going on between you two?

BRUTUS: We are merely friends and brothers.

_CASSIUS rides into camp and dismounts, carrying flowers with him. After a brief moment of heated conversation, BRUTUS leads CASSIUS into his tent._

Cut to

INT. BRUTUS’S TENT - NIGHT

_CASSIUS and BRUTUS face each other in the tent from across a desk, where CASSIUS has set the flowers._

CASSIUS: Despite the fact that you’ve clearly wronged me, I still cannot believe you to be anything less than noble.

BRUTUS: Cassius, I am fighting this fight for the good of the Republic. Have you so forgot the meaning of the Ides of March that you are willing to sell the mighty space of our large honours for so much trash as may be grasped thus?

Cut to

EXT. PHILIPPI - MIDDAY.

_BRUTUS stands under the sweltering Macedonian sun looking out at the plains of Philippi._

BRUTUS (V.O.): One day we will be forced to face the consequences of our actions, and I do not think you are honest enough to join me.

 

TITLE CARD: FROM LATE REPUBLIC ROME

 

INT. BRUTUS’S TENT - NIGHT

_Back to BRUTUS facing CASSIUS in the tent with the desk between them._

CASSIUS (V.O.): You don’t get to choose if you want your heart riven in this world.

_Insert shot: BRUTUS and CASSIUS standing next to one another in the Curia in Rome. CASSIUS turns to look at BRUTUS, longing evident in his eyes._

CASSIUS (V.O.): But you do have a say in who does the riving.

_CASSIUS reaches for the dagger at his side and offers it to BRUTUS._

CASSIUS: Take my heart, Marcus Brutus, because I am in love with you. And I know that even when you hated Caesar you still loved him more than me, and I know that I could never measure up to your nobility — _and I am in love with you_.

_BRUTUS looks at him, down at the dagger, and then shakes his head._

BRUTUS: Sheathe your dagger, Cassius. I could not live without you.

_CASSIUS blinks owlishly at him as he takes the dagger back and sheathes it._

CASSIUS: Give me your hand.

_He extends a hand. BRUTUS takes it._

BRUTUS: And my heart too.

_Elated, CASSIUS uses their hand-hold to draw BRUTUS closer across the desk and kisses him. The music swells._

 

TITLE CARD: THIS MARCH

 

INT. BRUTUS’S TENT - CONTINUOUS

_BRUTUS and CASSIUS retreat to the cot in BRUTUS’s tent, divesting each other of their armour as they go along._

BRUTUS: I could call for some wine.

CASSIUS: My heart is thirsty for your love.

_BRUTUS’s tunic somehow gets stuck over his head, but they manage to get it off, laughing, and continue to make out._

 

TITLE CARD: THE FAULT IN OUR REPUBLIC

 

EXT. PHILIPPI - DAY

_BRUTUS and CASSIUS face off against OCTAVIAN and MARK ANTONY._

Cut to

 

EXT. PHILIPPI - CONTINUOUS

_BRUTUS is crying in MESSALA’S arms on another part of the battlefield. Two bodies lie in front of them, their faces hidden._

Cut to

 

EXT. PHILIPPI - CONTINUOUS

_BRUTUS and LUCILIUS are standing over yet another body. The sound of ENEMY SOLDIERS can be heard from far off._

LUCILIUS: Are you afraid?

BRUTUS: I am my country’s friend.

LUCILIUS: Then run.

_BRUTUS runs, shortly before ENEMY SOLDIERS arrive on the scene, and LUCILIUS puts his hands up in surrender._

 

TITLE CARD: THE FAULT IN OUR ASSASSINATIONS

 

INT. BRUTUS’S VILLA - MORNING

_CASSIUS lounges on a couch, the smallest hint of a smile on his face._

BRUTUS (V.O.): I fell in love with him the way I killed Caesar.

Cut to

EXT. POMPEY’S THEATRE - DAY

_The camera rapidly pans across the theatre garden complex to the Curia Pompeia._

Cut to

_BRUTUS and CASSIUS standing amidst the fountains and statues, talking animatedly._

Cut to

EXT. BRUTUS’S CAMP - DAY

_CASSIUS is riding his horse, looking incredibly pleased with himself in his armour._

BRUTUS (V.O.): Hesitantly...

Cut to

INT. BRUTUS’S TENT - NIGHT

_CASSIUS and BRUTUS kiss at the entrance to the tent, their clothing hastily rearranged and their hair still mussed._

BRUTUS (V.O.): And then all at once.

Cut to

EXT. PHILIPPI - DAY

_CASSIUS and BRUTUS sit on their horses, watching their legions spread out in silence across the plains below._

CASSIUS: If we lose this battle, this might be the last time we’ll see each other again.

_BRUTUS turns to him._

BRUTUS: Today finishes our work from the Ides of March. ( _beat_ ) Our fate is in the stars now.

CASSIUS: I hope they’re friendly enough to let us lead the rest of our lives in peace.

BRUTUS: But if they aren’t, then I suppose this is goodbye forever, Cassius. ( _beat_ ) If we do meet again, why, we shall smile. But if not, then this parting was well made.

CASSIUS: If we do meet again, we’ll smile indeed. But if not, then this parting was well made.

_They take each other’s hands and lean in for one last kiss. Blackout._

 

TITLE CARD: THE FAULT IN OUR CAESAR

  
TITLE CARD: MARCH 15


End file.
